my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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