i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
