i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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