pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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