i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
