You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
