Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
