reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
