Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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