some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize