I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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