Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
