Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize