I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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