you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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