OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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