I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
vagina is talking i cant
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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