Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
