what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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