i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
