So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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