hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
