I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
how does that bad decision feel?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize