How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
