Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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