if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize