Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
