im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
