I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize