Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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