A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
