She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
