I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
