I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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