I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
