i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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