I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
