I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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