Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
