so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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