The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
