they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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