It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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