no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
