Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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