So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
