Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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