I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Boobs are out for the taking
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
