so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
