I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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