too bad you live with your parents still
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
