i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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