What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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