I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
