is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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