I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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