I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
