So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize