I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
