did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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