I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
