he was CRYING into my vagina
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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