You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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