Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
