So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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