I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
