She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
