remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
