apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
