mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
