the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
