Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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