I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize