I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
