i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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