im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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