Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize