I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
