Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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