How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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