so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Drake has all the answers
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
