he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize