How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize