I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
