Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
