dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
