I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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