I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
