Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
