NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize