I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
