This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
