God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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