Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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