I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
How's work?
Spinning.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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