At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
And then he peed in my hair
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