remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
