Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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