My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How many fucks given?
0.12846
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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