Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
