Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
