oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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