saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
