I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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