obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
