I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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