Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
