Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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