i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
