i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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