Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I enjoy the company of your penis
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
