you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
