I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
"it" just moved
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
