He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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