school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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