Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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